The Bachelorette: The Boys are back in town

Welcome ladies and gentlemen, we are back to celebrate the beginning of a brand new season of the Bachelorette. We start of by being reintroduced to last season’s breakout ‘star’ Desiree Hartock. At first I wasn’t stoked about the choice of Des for the new Bachelorette, but after following a number of the other potential front-runners on instagram I realized that most of them were already in committed relationships. So really, Des was the only choice, because unfortunately, Tierra is still engaged. Man, how fun would that season have been?

                Anyway, we see Des in the kitschiest scene ever, rollerSKATING down the Santa Monica boardwalk in tiny, denim shorts and a bikini top. I really don’t know what the producers were aiming for, but whatever it was, they missed it. Des said that she is ready for love. Her outfit doesn’t project that message, but hey, we all know what kind of guys are on this show.

                We get an introduction to a few of the guys. They are mostly boring guys with a lot of issues, or just plain weirdos, including one who seems to speak exclusively in hashtags. That won’t get old fast. I’m glad casting didn’t stray too far from their usual type. The true star of the show, Chris Harrison, sits down to have the pep talk with Des. She’s super excited, yet nervous that her brother will come to the house and tell all of the guys that they suck, and boy he would be right (Okay, she didn’t actually say that, but we all know she’s thinking it).

                Des waits outside the STD palace for her suitors in a fabulous gown. Her men start to arrive. I know that there are always some crack-pot entrances, but boy did some of these guys take the weirdo cake.  There was that guy who showed up in a full-suit of armor, the guy who forced his kid to meet some rando chick, the guy who showed up sans shirt, the guy who tried to dip Des and ended up ripping her dress, the magician, the guy who practically went for a swim in the fountain out front, and how could you forget the guy who basically asked Des to bang right then and there.

                After meeting all the guys, Des went inside to get the COCKtail party started. A few of the guys take Des aside to talk, a few left the conversation disappointed that they didn’t receive a rose. Well folks, that’s what happens when you show a girl a lameass magic trick on your first date. Desire refrains from giving away any roses until her conversation with the hot dad. All the guys were ‘hashtag’ jealous. The shirtless guy was so jealous in fact that he stripped down and hopped in the pool. Somehow, this move got him a rose.

The guy who wanted to bang Des right from the beginning has some values; he wanted to start off the relationship by being the first guy in the house to kiss her. To accomplish this he tried to lead her into a dark room away from everyone else. Des decided to listen to her kindergarten teachers and said NO to stranger danger. In an unprecedented move, she sent the creepy guy home before the inaugural rose ceremony. You go girl.

We come to the rose ceremony where Des cuts those she doesn’t feel a connection with, and we say good-bye to armor guy, dip guy, and other guys who they probably didn’t show. Can we take a second and talk about what duds 98% of these guys are? Seriously, you can pick out the final 2 on the first night and save a fortune on plane fare. I feel bad for Des that she has to deal with some of these guys for the next few weeks. Well, all the luck to her.

Until next time,

haley

The Bachelor Canada: East Coast Livin'

This week we finally head to the east coast of Canada to catch a glimpse of the beautiful Maritimes and for the fantasy dates! YAY. We're getting super close to the big proposal, which is exciting for everyone involved, aka people like me who don't have a real love lie. Oh well, a relationship would get in the way of my intensive tv-watching schedule.

First we head to Newfoundland for some casual sea-kayaking to an iceberg. Bianka wasn't too jazzed about this activity, but I would totally be all over that. Again, boys, take that as a hint. They then dined on sandwiches or something, I don't really know, but they did have some glacier wine or something, again, I don't know, I was a little sleepy watching this episode. At least I was free from cold meds this week. There was a card waiting them from Tyler (fyi, he's the host, it took me all three dates to realize who 'Tyler' was). The card proposed for Brad and Bianka to forgo their personal suites to spend the night in a fantasy suite. SWANKY. Anyway, Bianka was a little sketched out about that prospect, because she didn't really like that he could be potentially spending the night with two other girls as well. This is completely understandable, you know. She ends up going for it and stuff.

We then head to the gentle/red/potato isle to hang out with Whitney on a lobster fishing boat. I think crab fishing would be more fitting though. EH OH, get it? Because Whitney is a crab. I don't remember anything else about that date, because I don't care about her. Sorry, not sorry.

Then we head to my adopted home of Nova Scotia for Kara's fantasy date. They go to the Fox Harb'r which is a super swanky golf club, which may be confusing because they apparently don't know how to spell 'Harbor', (or harbour if you're Canadian and not my spell check). They shoot stuff, which is pretty date-ish I guess.

Then we get to the rose ceremony. BUT FIRST, we see Whitney talking to her sister about whether or not she wants to be there and blah, blah, blah. Okay, rose ceremony. Bianka gets the first rose, and it all comes down to Whitney and Kara. We all know how I want this to turn out, but alas, he of course goes for eyebrows mcgee. BUT FIRST, before Kara gets a chance to say goodbye Whitney busts on in and mumbles on about something, and then brad tells her she's being rude as shiz (not a direct quote). Bradley, you made a bad life choice not selecting Kara because she straight up rules. So I guess I have to be Team Bianka now.

But guess what guys? WOMEN TELL ALL IS NEXT. YYAAAAAAYyy

The Bachelor Canada: Hometown Glories

Hello folks! Sorry about the extremely delayed writing and posting of this, I have been indisposed thanks to CityTv's terrible website and some cold meds. I'm almost back to 100% and pumped for a new episode tonight. ANYWAY

Of course we have gotten around to the hometown dates. So essentially, brad flies back and forth between 3 provinces to visit his main squeezes. First we head to Mississauga, ON to visit Bianka. They stop at an ice cream shop and freak out about how both of them love mint chocolate chip ice cream. Like, cool your jets guys, it's not a rare flavor. They move on to Bianka's house where they only speak Croatian and Brad is totally out of his element. JK GUYS, they can all speak English!!! It was just a ruse!!

We then jet back to BC to see Kara, her family, and some awkward product placement for triscuits. I know I say this every week, but if Brad doesn't pick Kara, it's a travesty. Kara is pretty upset that her Father is away, working and can't be there to meet Brad. JK he shows up!!! Man, this show is all about surprising us tonight.

Next we're off to Oakville to see Gabrielle, Her stripper-loving cousin, and to play bingo with seniors!!! After dinner, Gabby's family made Brad belly-dance, and he responded by pulling out the running man, which automatically gets respect from me.

Last, but certainly not least, Brad is Calgary-bound to see Whitney. They head out to the Olympic Park to do some bobsledding. Okay, that looks AWESOME. I'd totally be down for that, hint hint. Brad questions his relationship with Whitney. He found her family to be open and emotional, but she is too closed off and won't share how she really feels.

It's okay though, Whitney does stay, as does Bianka and Kara. Which, of course means that Gabrielle is sent home. She wastes no time in the limo saying how terrible Whitney is. PEACE GURL.

And peace to y'all as well!

The Bachelor Canada: Bachelorettes in Paris

This week we go back to the more casual dates, you know, magazine photo shoots, rappelling down mountains, and trips to Paris. We have a four-on-one date, a one-on-one, and the DREADED two-on-one date. Oh, and one girl has to sit at home all week while the rest of the girls are gallivanting across the globe. Sucks to be her I guess.

Kara, Gabrielle, Brittany, and Ana are selected for the Photo shoot date. This is actually a pretty cool idea! Kara and Brad are actually the cutest, so if he chooses someone else over her, HE DUMB. Since Whitney wasn't around for Gabrielle to tear down, she found a new prey in the form of Brittany. She went straight for the guttural, saying she wasn't very pretty without make-up. Don't listen to her Britt, you're wicked pretty. It would have been nice for Whit to take part on this date, maybe they could have done something with those eyebrows. I'm sorry, you're beautiful, but I just can't deal with those.

Although I probably would have paid actual money to see Whitney and Gabrielle to go on the two-on-one date, alas it was Bianka and Laura who were selected to go to the city of love, Paris. Don't get it confused with Philly, the city of brotherly love. Also, I have a bone to pick with whoever makes the graphics to show that they're going from one place to another. If you were flying from BC to France, you would totally take a polar route and NOT fly straight across. That's just hideously ineffective.

I like the format of the two-on-one dates better on BACHCAN than on the original. It's MUCH less awkward. I would really like to know how many baby-blue cardigans that Brad owns. I'll take the over/under at 5,347. It drove me crazy that Brad and Bianka sat on the same side of the table. NO, JUST NO. In the end, Brad chose Bianka to remain in the house, and for Laura and the worst dress I've ever seen to return back home.

Whitney was chosen for the one-on-one date. I don't really remember what happened, because she kind of bores me in all honesty. Poor Chantelle was the one that had to stay at home this week. She then got a devastating phone call that forced her to return home. We'll miss you, girl!!!

Since two girls had already received roses, and two had already gone home, there were two more roses for four girls. Thankfully, Brad picked Kara first. I would have had to smack him if he didn't. He then, for some reason, chose Gabrielle over Ana and Brittany. Bad life choice Bradley.

NEXT WEEK HOMETOWNS <3<3<3

The Bachelor Canada: It took this long to break out the Canadian stereotypes?

Okay, let’s just start this off with discussing how I should have tried out for this.

1. I like hot guys!
2. I like mansions!
3. I like good (free) food!
4. I like fun international trips!
5. I LOVE GIFT BASKETS

Like, seriously, 75% of the production budget had to have gone to the gift baskets. 

ANYWAY, the first date, the one-on-one (SHOT) went to my main homegirl Kara. The only reason I can think of why Whitney hates her is because she is jealous of the way Kara rocks that denim on denim. They went cattle wrangling, because really, what else would you want to do on a first date. Also question; is a ‘romantic barn’ an oxymoron? I’m not a country girl, so someone will have to answer this for me.

The 5-on-1 date was just a casual date to Mexico. Like any typical date. : . They went to a community center to hand out toys and stuff. This was actually a super cute date idea! It gave the other girls something to do while Brad was talking to people, instead of just awkwardly standing around in HBC blankets. Brad then had to choose one girl to stay back and have a boat excursion together, and he chose kim kardashian Bianka. She kind of bores me, so we’re moving on.

What’s a show set in Canada without some basic Canadian stereotypes? Apparently not a Canadian show because this episode we have a lumber jacking competition.  I personally would have loved to do the tree-climbing one, because who doesn’t love tree climbing? Whitney almost murdered her teammates. I’m actually betting on her legitimately murdering someone this season. The Blue team consisting of Sophie, Laura, and Chantelle won the challenge and got to go on another date which featured some kind of Canadian country singer. They danced, and spilled their souls and stuff, so, yeah.

Brad decided to shake it up hardcore this week. He decided he didn’t have the time for a cocktail party and wanted to get straight to cutting not 2, but 4 of these lovely young ladies. He says good-bye to three people that I can’t remember and another of my favorites, Sophie. Oh well.

Next week we get more Whitney hating people! More Gabrielle being insecure and unaware! and let’s be serious, PROBABLY SOME TEARS TOO!!!

The Bachelor Canada: Let the Games, I Mean Dates, Begin!

I’ve got to say, I’ve been insanely impressed with The Bachelor Canada thus far. Maybe I haven’t seen enough of the original Bachelor/Bachelorette, but the characters seem much more engaging, enthralling, and charismatic. ANYWAY, this week marks the start of the ‘Dates’ round. There was one 8 on 1 date, one 4 on 1, and one 1 on 1*. (really there was two 1 on 1’s, but who’s picky around here.)

I was SO SO SO excited when I heard they were headed to New Orleans for one of the dates. It is easily one of my favorite cities in the world. Needless to say I was a little blasphemized when none of them knew what ‘The Big Easy’ was. Shame on you girls, shame on you. I think I was seriously overcome with nostalgia during this whole date so I saw it with a rosier glow than others might. Right out of the gate we start with a tres risque burlesque lesson and performance. I give mad props to Chantelle for going so completely out of her comfort zone. I take away props to Melissa Marie for being a PlayBoy model and being the least sexy out of all the girls.

ON TO THE NEXT DATE. I kind of like all the jet-setting they are doing on these dates! This one is at a Las Vegas speedway. If I would have been on this date, there is no doubt someone would have died. Most likely me (hstrong + cars = :( ). I also find racing boring so I would be checked outta this one. Of course Whitney wins over adorable Sophie, and Gabrielle can’t seem to focus on anything except how much she despises Whitney. GUhhHhHhhHH get over it, you’re 24 not 14.

I actually started to like Whitney more when she was one on one with Brad. That went away quickly when she was around other people. The two 1 on 1 dates were fabulous! Especially the second one. I would loooove to seaplane through western BC, take note future BF. Also, the lounge singer during the first date totally wins the best outfit of the week. KUDOS TO YOU GURL. 

Alas, we come upon the rose ceremony. Again, Gabrielle cannot deal with Whitney, picks a fight with her, and then when Whitney doesn't respond and is cool as a Lay’s cool cucumber potato chip, the girl gets even more rattled. Cool your jets hombre. Four girls leave this week, one being the playboy model, the other three I can’t remember. Sorry.

This was a pretty solid episode, but my favorite part was EASILY when it showed them eating their food at dinner. My biggest pet peeve about the original version is that they leave all this delicious food untouched. Um, lord KNOWS if I was on it I would be all over that food. So, good job Bachelor Canada.

until next time!

*Take a shot every time I say ‘One on One’

The Bachelor: It's Just the Beginning

Let me start by saying that this show is everything I could have ever hoped for. Except that I apparently don’t get CityTV in my cable package and the CityTV website suxxxxx.

Would it really be a season of The Bachelor without getting the sappy story of some good-looking guy telling us that he’s lived the bachelor lifestyle and now is just looking for someone to love and settle down with. No, it would not. So we get Brad’s story. Don’t worry buddy, I’ll comfort you if you need.

Anyways, then starts the parade of this season’s floozies. I’m just kidding, not all of them are floozies. The dresses were either super fabulous, or super awful. There was no middle ground. My issues with the dresses include; No one looks good in crushed velvet because it is a sucky fabric, their tailors do not know how to properly fit a dress apparently, and at least half looked like really bad prom dresses. 

I’ll start on a positive note. I really liked Kara and Sophie. There are others, but I just can’t remember who they are right now. They were so cute, sweet, and seemed like really genuine girls. So, I’m #teamsophie and #teamkara this season.

On the negative; Whitney reminds me of Courtney from Ben’s season, but she’s a jackshow and could probably take Brad down easily so like, props to her. Gabrielle just sucks. I don’t see any redeeming qualities. She seems like she’s just there to be on television AND NOT FOR BRAD’S HEART. Oh, and Mindy’s hiking boots and badly placed anchor tattoo get a -10 from me.

Anyway, this season looks like it’s going to be a lot of fun. I really should have listened to my mother when she said to try out for this show. LOL JK